"I can sure relate to your post--however i am "there" right now...i can remember starting to pack for special meetings waaaaay in advance because of the excitment---BUT sometimes the hurt is so deep and wounds so large --and life has so many unfair curves till i ask myself what is the use--to just be hurt again and more dreams crushed. you know the ministry is NOT an easy path sometimes and ministers can be the most cruel to others--if your not in the circle of circles then your nobody!! When you are walked on over and over by those who only use you to get their gain --makes you want to ask why do I want to be involved in that."
Let me talk to you from my heart. I am going to say to you just what I would say if I were talking to one of my adult children, a family member, friend, or someone in our church. :) I know that covers just about everyone! I do not pretend to have all the answers, but I want to help you. I know what I say could be taken wrong, but I will do my best to "say it right".
I remember a time in my life that one of my friends treated me in a way that was very hurtful. I was telling my Mother about it, and she looked at me and said, "It doesn't matter what THEY did to you. You're not any better than they are, if you let your attitude get bad! YOU have to be bigger than that!!!" I thought, "Whoa! I better get my attitude RIGHT!" If my Mother was telling me "I was just as wrong as the person who hurt me if I got a bad attitude about it", then I knew I was wrong, and better "get right"! It didn't feel very good when she told me that, but it has stayed with me all of my life. Anytime I have felt like retaliating because "I had been done wrong", I hear what Mother said to me. I'm so glad she told me the right way to react when I am hurt from someone else's actions. It hasn't always been easy to swallow and "take it", but it's been easier knowing I HAD to keep my spirit and attitude right, so I could be SAVED!
Daddy use to say, "Linda, whatever you do, don't ever let a root of bitterness take root in your heart. If you do you will regret it. Once it starts growing you can hardly get it to stop!" I watched Daddy when he had been done wrong, and he had every right to retaliate, but he didn't. The last time I talked to him before he died he said to me and my sisters, "Girls, when I'm gone, if anyone wants to know how I was doing, tell them that ALL was well." I stood there as I listened to him talk and realized I was listening to a man who had kept his spirit cleansed from bitterness!
Daddy use to say, "Linda, whatever you do, don't ever let a root of bitterness take root in your heart. If you do you will regret it. Once it starts growing you can hardly get it to stop!" I watched Daddy when he had been done wrong, and he had every right to retaliate, but he didn't. The last time I talked to him before he died he said to me and my sisters, "Girls, when I'm gone, if anyone wants to know how I was doing, tell them that ALL was well." I stood there as I listened to him talk and realized I was listening to a man who had kept his spirit cleansed from bitterness!
I do not know "who" you are, but I do know you are a "hurting"individual. You probably "know" all the answers to your situation, yet, when you're hurting it's hard to see through the fog that has surrounded your mind. God does not want you to keep these hurts in your heart and mind, BUT you must be WILLING to release them and let them GO! You are making a CHOICE everyday. You choose to "hold on" or "let go" of the hurts that plague your life. People are going to disappoint you. That is inevitable!! It doesn't matter "who" they are. There is only ONE who is perfect and He was "taken away" to go prepare us a place"! This brings to mind the other thing I was taught. "Keep your eyes on JESUS!" When we get our eyes on "people" they will disappoint us! Look to JESUS! I know it sounds easier than it is at times, but we CHOOSE what we want to do with our heart!
Why do people want to be in the "circle of circles"? Who determines who the "circle of circles" is? Does it really matter? If you "belong" to this "circle" is it going to make your life that much better? I determined a long time ago that I was going to live life, be friends with anyone that will be my friend, and not worry about those who seem to be in "the circle". I find much happiness and contentment in "being me" and "loving everyone". We all have friends who we seem to click with, so find friends you can enjoy. Make new friends! Sometimes you will be disappointed if you get inside "the circle". It's not near as glamorous and it seems from the "outside looking in".
You mentioned that people "used you, then walked all over you". I don't really know how to answer this without sounding harsh. But again, YOU have to be the one to stop being used! It's a choice YOU must make! Don't hang around people that take advantage of you. If you are taken advantage of, then cut all ties! A true "friend" would never do anything to hurt you, or "use you for their advantage", or "walk all over you".
Mom Elms was an incredible lady! She loved God with all her heart. Her pastor used her at times to counsel women of the church, because she was full of wisdom. Oh how I miss her! One day while driving she was hit by a motorcycle policeman, and she suffered a broken ankle. We watched as she suffered with the "wound" that was made when her ankle bone came through her skin. Over a period of many months the doctor would check this sore on Mom's ankle, and it got larger and larger! It was not a pretty sight. In fact, it was so bad that it would almost nauseate me. (I would never make a good nurse.) Month after month went by and the sore did not heal. To make a long story short, the doctor eventually had to amputate Mom's leg! In someone who is healthy, the sore would have healed and everything would have been fine, but Mom had diabetes and because of this terrible "disease" her body would not heal itself!
Bitterness is a disease and if it is not taken out of the heart it will eventually cause you to "amputate yourself" from the body of Christ! I know you want to do what's right. I know you've been hurt. I know all of the terrible feelings that can come up and blind you from what you "know" to do. But, whatever wrong has been done to you, it's not worth the "sore" that is staying open in your heart. The thing about holding onto this "hurt" is that it will destroy you and those closest to you! This "thing" will make the rest of your life miserable if you do not have your heart mended by the Heart Mender! And remember....life isn't always FAIR!
In church Sunday night I heard a song I had not heard in many years. It touched my heart once again and reminded me "I have a long way to go to be like the Lord". The words that really stood out to me were these:
I don't remember trudging up a rugged hill with a cross upon my back.
I don't recall a crown of thorns placed upon my brow, now that I look back.
I've never been spit upon, ridiculed, wounded in my side.
Life's no bed of roses, but still I am alive.
I have a long way to go, just to be like the Lord.
Forgiveness was taught to us by Jesus Christ. If HE could forgive after those He loved mocked Him, spit on Him, slapped Him, pierced His side, placed a crown of thorns on His head, and whipped Him tearing His flesh until he was "unrecognizable", then you can forgive those who have done you wrong. Please take it to Him in prayer. YOU do what's right and God will take care of the rest.
I hope I have said something that will help you through this terrible time in your life. I feel so helpless in my feeble words. There are so many things that could be said, and so many people who could do a much better job at "helping you", but I know it's not me or anyone else who can heal your heart. I simply ask you to "take it to Jesus" and you and Him work it out! I have prayed for you today, and will continue to pray that you will find peace and rest in knowing you have done what's right. I leave you with a song that is my heartbeat.
For above all else......I MUST be saved!
For above all else......I MUST be saved!
Whatever You have to do to me,
Don't let me be lost for eternity!
For above all else......I MUST be saved!
Please let me know how you are doing. Someday, in not too distant future, I plan on meeting you on the other side. You can look for me "in front of the throne". Blessings to you as you make your journey back to "the wonder of it all".
Sincerely.....Your "blogger" friend!
24 comments:
Sis Elms,
A book is born of the inspiration within you, but is written with hard painful labor.
Take all the inspired things you have taught, have written about and put them in some order. Then expand them. You will receive the inspiration to expand them as you pray about it and develop the ideas for the general reader.
Start now. It will take quite a bit of time for the writing to mature, but the great ideas and inspiration for the living of life are already there. Put them together now so that we will not lose anything to time and the disorder of life.
I remember Prime Life well, and will not forget the many lessons brought to us, but they apply to everyone. So many have never heard these things, and the chance reader that God will direct to your book will gain the benefit of wisdom and the excellent knowledge that God gives for us to live by.
Writing is hard work, but keep in your mind the idea that God has given to you, and your giving to others will reap great benefit because God is in it. He misses nothing and uses everything to reach a soul looking for the solace of God.
As I type this, I realize that a blog comment is a poor vehicle for such words, but maybe some of your readers will become inspired to write as well. God needs for us to spread the glad tidings any way we can. Write if you can.. Write and write and write!
As the "anonymous" commenter reads this blog entry and gains wisdom from it, realize that they represent only one mind in a sea of millions that will need this wisdom. The anonymous commenter needs this knowledge in this one place in time. A life will be changed for the good if they take it to heart. A book will reach many hearts in many different places in time.
Write!
That is some of the finest advice I have ever read. If you ever write a book, I will be first in line to pre-order a copy. Just terrific.
Anonymous, you will be in my prayers. I, also, KNOW you have found a safe place in Sis. Elms. IF you are a minister's wife you should email her privately and just chat. Most of our email addresses can be found by clicking our profiles from our blog. I KNOW Sis. Elms' can be found this way. Sis. Elms has prayed for me of late in a particular situation. It was so comforting to KNOW that God cared by using someone else to care. I promise if you email her you will not be sorry that you did!
Minister's wives give so much and if we aren't careful it is easy to feel as described by Anonymous. I'm sure most of us have been in a dry place. I have learned one thing in the 26 years of being a minister's wife I MUST take care of 'me', too!
Sis. Elms touched on so many key elements. We do have to 'choose' how we feel. In fact we have to sometimes make ourselves just do what is right as we would make our child take medicine to make them eventually better. We must make ourselves be 'apart' rather than 'isolate'. I do realize sometimes we can be in a crowd and still be lonely.
Anonymous, I pray you will find today even in your home the warmth and love of the Spirit of God. Then I pray you find in some of us God's love that is so much more perfect than our own. Kent and I have been in a couple of situations where we were 'wronged' and I really hurt. I can understand pain but my dear friend, this one thing have I learned nothing or no one is worth separating me from God or the things of God. This can so easily happen when our joy is robbed because the joy of the Lord is our strength. When we become weak we do not have the ability to persevere.
Sis. Elms, thank you for loving all of us minister's wives. You know Kent and I feel you are doing such an awesome job! I hope you don't mind that I referred our anonymous friend more directly to you. Sometimes it gets really lonely in the kitchen as our dear elder Bro. E. L. Holley would say. This dear friend may be in the kitchen alone today.
Love you more everyday!
Bro. Hallford gave some good advice about your book, and I, along with Bro. Ryan, will be one of the first in line to buy it!
Keith and I have recently had to deal with some situations where the people have held onto hurts for years and years. It has carried over into quite a few areas of their lives and even into others lives. They wear their feelings on their sleeves, so to speak, and those that didn't have anything to do with their past hurts have to walk on egg shells just to keep from hurting them again. We must pray when we are hurt that we can "forgive and forget." I know that we cannot forget everything, because we are human, but we can forget some things if we allow God to heal us.
Keith and I were just talking about this the other day. There was a time in our lives, where we were hurt in so many ways, but after a time, God has helped heal us by taking away some of the memories. We remember it was a "rough" time in our lives, but we don't remember all of the "details." It was a trial that we grew spiritually while going through it.
Anonymous will be in my prayers!
Sis. Elms,
I can testify to what everyone has already told you because I've experienced more encouragement than you'll ever know during some of the HARDEST times I've ever gone through!!! If you should happen to write a book and need someone to edit it, I'll be happy to do it for you.
One of the areas that keep calling to me is the area of Sociology rather than Physiology. Sociology has more to do with the world and it’s affects on us. We as humans can and are greatly affected by the actions of our “social group” toward us. We can attain an emotional high or low, just by how those we consider as our equals or higher react toward us. Is this right? Or is this wrong? The goal is for me to find my / your own mental or spiritual balance and then move on. Physiology has or deals only with the self. In a personal opinion my self is affected more by what comes at me from society. What comes at me will so many times set my inner feelings for the day and toward those I will meet this day.
I have two favorite sayings; one is the title of a book. It is, “If you must fall, fall forward.” The second came form the pastor of my youth, “A moment’s greatest glory is not in falling, but in the ability to arise.”
Anonymous, I will call that name in prayer for His help to you;
Mevi
Sis. Elms, I am not the anonymous that wrote any of the comments from the post before, but I wanted to thank you for opening your heart. This post was the most touching, incredible writing I've read in ANY blog. Thank you for following what God impressed on your heart.
I'm also not the anon. of the previous blog, but I want to say your response was so led of God, it has to help the person who wrote.
THE INSIGHT SHOW IN YOUR ANSWER HAD TO COME FROM GOD! I felt like I was reading a "Dear Linda" column.
Who knew what all this would end up being! I just thought you had found a new hobby and were enjoying being connected! While I know that is true, today this blog has become a new avenue of ministry! You are an incredible lady with a lot to offer! Please don't deprive the crying masses any longer of this wisdom in the form of print! You don't have many excuses left for not starting on that book!!! Love you!
Great advice with much wisdom and prayer. I think you ought to write a book also, it doesn't have to be a book with continuous chapters, just chapters of things that have happened in your life, and your teachings. I will never forget the lessons you taught in Prime Life, and I miss your teaching.
Dear Linda,
I couldn't help but feel a sense of gratitude when I read this post. Thank you for being open enough to help others. I know many will read this and be changed. Let us know when that book is finished! Your wisdom needs to be published!
Love you, Gayla
I must respond to all of you who have written on this post. I appreciate all of your input in helping "Anonymous". I can feel your heart in what you write. I am also humbled more than I can say by all of your kind comments about me writing a book. I feel very inadequate in doing such a great task, and really can't imagine that I have enough to offer to put in a "book", but have always wanted to write one. I will be open again, and ask you to whisper my name in prayer among all the really important things you have to pray about. I do appreciate all of you and what you've said.
I want to tell my friend Tracie that it is fine that she referred this hurting person to me directly. If they would like to write I would be more than happy to help, if I can.
God bless you all as we "serve Him" TOGETHER!
Linda, Great posts! I cannot be to open in this forum (you understand) but this is a subject that is very dear to me. I am just so thankful that I did not allow myself to become isolated. In fact, at times when I begin to feel like I am all alone and losing touch, I look for someplace to go to be with the people of God. I ALWAYS feel better if I can rub shoulders with people of like precious faith.
Sis. Elms,
Don't forget to check your spam folder in case the emails start rolling in. Aol has a habit of junking some important mail.
Dittos to everyone's comments!! Thanks, Sister Tracie, for referring to my dad's saying. As I began reading all the blog and the comments, my dad's words kept coming to me, "He who angers you controls you." If we have been hurt, we are in essence angry, and inevitably are controlled by those who have hurt us. So, it is our choice whether we decide to let what people have done to us control us or not. We must be willing to "Let go and let God!" Forgiveness is such a healer.
Waiting for that book, my friend!!
Wow! I am gone for a week of training and all heaven breaks lose. LOL! This is a fantastic post and blogging is a new avenue of ministry. I also agree that this needs to be in a book. I will be praying for you.
Ronda, I understand you not being "too open". I will say you are a TRUE CHRISTIAN! I'm so proud of you and how you are! I love you very deeply and always proud to say you're my sister. I love you!
Anonymous, I check my Spam often, but nothing has showed up yet. :)
Karen, you said it just right! I loved your Dad and Mom! Such Christians! Love you so much!
Kevin, thank you for the prayer! I really want to be a blessing and help to those in need.
Sis Elms, WRITE THE BOOK! You do have what it takes. You have love, compassion, a humble spirit, and an annointing from God. Let Him move you on up to the next level. Write the book!
There are many more out there who need to hear what you have to say. You will be a blessing to them. Believe me, for God has used you to touch others just through your blog. Your book could even reach out further. Like Randal Hallford said, "Start Now", please.
God Bless
Beautiful! Inspiring! The Mind of God! (No excuse not to write that book now).
well.....i am the author of the "ANONYMOUS" comment. yes, I am a ministers wife...over 33 years
and pastors wife for most of those years, served on district committiees and the like...
Let me say thanks for all of your prayers and comments of encouragement--you will never know how much that means. I have known you for many years and always admired you. At some point I will perhaps talk one on one with you but just know your ministry is needed. Again, THANK YOU!!
Jolene and Karen, THANK YOU for your kindness and words of encouragement! It means so much!
Anonymous, I am so happy you wrote back! I'm glad I didn't upset you to where you wouldn't want to write. :) I am not trying to figure out "who" you are, but if you want to talk sometime, I am here. I am still praying for you! Please feel free to "talk" anytime. God bless you as you continue to "serve Him".
There are two thoughts that come to my mind.
1. Bitterness only kills the possessor.
2. Pain is inevitable; misery is optional.
Like Ronda, this is a tender area for me, too. Suffice it to say, I went to a conference in the late 80's and a minister who knew nothing about me preached to me. Healing began right then and I am so thankful I let go of all the hurt. Anonymous, you can find joy again regardless of your situation. I will be praying for you.
P.S. Linda, go ahead and get started on the book. Time flies when we are having fun so you better get busy.
Jana, thank you for your words! I'm glad a healing took place in your heart. This gives hope to those in need of one. Love you!
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